(Editors’ note: At SEGA Nerds, we really love the classics, and every so often, we dig through the dusty, cobwebbed filled vault in the dungeon to bring back a classic feature from our past that we want to share with our current readers. Aside from formatting and any grammatical corrections, these articles are the same as they appeared when they were originally published.)
Author: Gill Figno
First appearing on the scene in 1986 with Alex Kidd in Miracle World, Alex soon become SEGA’s mascot through the Master System’s life until Sonic the Hedgehog was released in 1991. Alex Kidd has been the star of six games and has even made an appearance as recently as 2001 on Segagaga for Dreamcast.
SEGA Nerds: Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule to have a sit down with us. I think the first thing the readers would like to know is what’s with the sideburns?
Alex Kidd: Are you makin’ fun of me? Busy schedule?
SEGA Nerds: I ask it to everyone because it usually applies to them … yeah, I shoulda’ skipped it for you, huh?
Alex Kidd: You can’t tell me you asked that to Sketch Turner, and he actually pretended to have something to do?
SEGA Nerds: Hey, I ask the questions around here. Again, what’s with the Sideburns. Can little kids even grow sideburns?
Alex Kidd: This little kid can.
SEGA Nerds: Ok. Let’s move on. How did it feel to be SEGA’s mascot before Sonic?
Alex Kidd: You gotta’ attitude problem, you know that. I offered to give you an interview and you just gotta’ keep rubbing my failures in my face. Oh, “how did it feel to be SEGA’s mascot befo-”
SEGA Nerds: I’m serious, I don’t think kid’s can grow sideburns. Are you sure you’re a kid and not some really short guy?
Alex Kidd: Interrupting me too!?
SEGA Nerds: Sorry, Mr.Kidd, really. Gotta’ stay focused… *Don’t think of freakishly large sideburns.*
Alex Kidd: Stop calling me Alex Kidd, too. I’m not a kid anymore. It’s just Alex now.
SEGA Nerds: Ok…I guess it worked for Lil’ Bow-Wow.
“Alex”: HEY! It’s Bow-Wow, thank you very much! That’s like, strike 6 for you, pal.
SEGA Nerds: Anyway, about your games. Why do you think that Sonic’s games have such a wide appeal? After all, he become SEGA’s mascot, replacing you.
“Alex”: Strike 7! It’s all internal politics, really. Sonic just happened to be in the right place at the right time and talk to the right people. My games actually have much broader appeal, plus they can be more diverse. Come on, Alex Kidd in Shinobi World, Alex Kidd BMX Trial, Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle! That’s diverse gameplay!
SEGA Nerds: Are you sure it isn’t because most of your games boiled down to jumping, punching and playing Rock, Paper, Scissors?
“Alex”: The Alex wishes to inform you that The Alex drives cars and collects coins as well.
SEGA Nerds: I mean, how is Rock, Paper, Scissors even skill based? The outcome is completely random and going to be one of three things. You play Rock, Paper, Scissors when there’s one brownie left and you need to decide who gets it. Were you planning on implementing an “Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe” system in the next game? How about Musical Chairs? Why would this be a main feature in a game?
“Alex”: The Alex has no time to answer these questions. He wishes you refer to any game featuring Rock, Paper, Scissors as an RPS game from now on.
SEGA Nerds: Now you’re ‘The Alex’ and you talk in third person? Being canned by SEGA really did a number on you, little mister.
“The Alex”: The Alex informs you that the headshot you have of him was from his days as a Child Actor and he wishes for you to have this recent one.
SEGA Nerds: ……
“The Alex”: That’s what they all say! The Alex has no time for this trivial nonsense! What are you doing?
SEGA Nerds: Speaking of Paper, Rock, Scissors…Hold still..(Leans in with scissors and snips off Alex Kidd’s left Sideburn)
“The Alex”: My dignity! (Alex Kidd promptly leaves)
SEGA Nerds: Now, time to hit eBay!